Stripe Now Worth $91B, Still Refuses to IPO Out of Spite
A tender offer bumps the Collison bros to $91B. Late-stage is thawing for the chad names while everyone else quietly marks themselves down in the group chat. 🧊
Stripe ran a tender offer that re-rated it to $91B, proving that the only thing the company likes more than payments infrastructure is staying private forever. The IPO window is open; Stripe is simply choosing violence.
It's a clean signal that secondary liquidity is back for the elite tier — the names with actual revenue and grown-up margins. Everyone else is still holding 2021 marks like a participation trophy.
Employees with vesting RSUs got a rare chance to turn paper into a down payment. The rest of private tech watched, seething, refreshing their own cap tables.
a16z Casually Vacuums Up Another $7.2B Because Why Not
While the rest of VC is eating instant ramen, the Marc & Ben show scooped $7.2B in fresh dry powder. LPs said 'take my money,' every other GP left on read. 💸
Seed Rounds: Fewer, Fatter, and Somehow More Insufferable
Median seed checks hit an all-time high while deal count cratered. If you don't have an ex-OpenAI cofounder on the team, it's looking kinda ngmi out there. 🍜
Another AI Chip Startup Bags $300M, Sovereign Money Goes Brrr
A sovereign fund led a $300M Series C at a $4.5B tag because slapping 'AI inference' on a deck still prints. Compute demand > supply > common sense. 🤖